Diversity: The Servant of Dialogue

Since Xenia’s mission is focused around dialogue, I thought I would write this blog about my experience of dialogue, specifically about the need for and the use of diversity to catalyze dialogue.  When I first moved to Los Angeles, a local priest talked to a group of us about her church, an urban parish with a number of different populations to serve, Spanish-speaking, Nigerian, local, commuter, traiditionalists, young, middle-aged, etc.  “Diversity is hard,” she said, “I wish that I had a whole congregation of one group of people, like Rustbelt miners.  That would be so much easier.”  I didn’t appreciate at the time how difficult diversity is but I’ve been thinking about it and appreciating it more. 

I find that relationships with people who are significantly different from me are tedious and arduous work.  Even communication can be extremely difficult when unfamiliar of the other person’s communication style.  Speaking through diversity is exhausting.  First there’s terminology which is already complicated, especially around differences, such as race/ethnicity.  Do you identify as Black, African American, mixed race, “other?”  What issues trigger you?  (I’ve learned that trigger issues are one of the most important things to know, because once triggered, it can be very difficult to reverse)  What is your family’s history?  All these factor into race/ethnicity identification.

Then there’s other kinds of divisions such as religion, class, region, nationality, sexual orientation, education level,  etc.

An all-important difference to identify is management of conflict because without the skills to work through conflict, a relationship will wither.  The following questions arise:  When I do manage to offend you, how do you deal with it?  Head on or from around the side?  Does your culture dictate that you are uncomfortable with confrontation? 

But, despite all the difficulties listed above, my real point is this: diversity is the servant of dialogue.  The most productive, educational interactions I’ve ever had have not been with people who are similar to me, but rather those with whom I had to cross the widest distance to interact.  I have learned and stretched so much in the last year by being forced to have relationships with “the other.”  And now, I am only better for it.  I have had experiences I would not imagine I would ever have, simply by being open to the possibility.  It’s as if every person I know is a key to a door that had been locked to me before I met that person.  Then, they unlock their worlds to me and I can see all that lies beyond.  A new friend in visual effects teaches me how movies are made, another friend in costume design tells me about how costumes are rented for theater.  I’ve participated in a Mexican Christmas tradition, called La Posada and hope to attend my first Quinceanera in January.   I’ve learned so much about the amazing support networks of Alcholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous (and etc.) from friends in recovery. 

I’ve spent a lot of time looking for people like me to befriend, not realizing what I was missing.  I would implore you to reach out to those, not similar, but dissimilar to yourself.