Blue / Pink, Masculine / Feminine, Gender Binaries

My blog last week about gender identity and being gender queer has sparked some great discussion about gender construction, especially in the comments section.  I also wrote about the gendering of toys around the gift-giving season of December.  Those blogs are here (Pt 1) and here (Pt 2).

So, to continue on a theme of gender construction, I put together a list of gender binaries  to show that virtually everything is gendered in one way or another.  I am in no way endorsing these as being true or relevant.  This list is merely a reflection of what our dominant patriarchal culture tells us we should be.

However, some of the list is based in fact.  For instance, tall / short.  There is not doubt in my mind that on average men are taller than women.  But, this list isn’t just about what is, it’s about what our culture tells us is acceptable.  You can think of this list in the formula, “Men should be (or like)  ______ and women should be (or like) ______.”  Thus, it is not just about what is generally the case, it is the idea that these roles are normative or correct, that there is something wrong with an aberration such as a tall woman or a short man.

There are a few examples of things for which I could not find a gender binary.  One is music.  Music is so universal that I cannot think of a gender binary that states that either masculine or feminine prefer it more than the other.  However, subsets of music can be divided.  Such as rapping / singing,  or trumpet / flute.  Another ambiguous topic is intellect.  Are women or men considered to be smarter?

This list is based on my own experience of our culture and may not be the same as your experience.  Please add your own gender binary in the comments section or critique mine.

Traits

masculine / feminine

aggressive/ submissive

stoic / emotional

non communicative / nagging

straight forward/ manipulative

sloppy / neat

aggressive / passive aggressive

corrupt / pure

warmongering /peaceful

independent / dependent

resolve conflict/ hold a grudge

fatherly / motherly

Role

bad listener / good listener

provider / nurturer

worker / home maker

career oriented / family oriented

hunter / gatherer

leader / follower

in the spotlight / in the background

rebel / rule follower

grillmaster / cook

Sexuality and Relationships

attracted exclusively to women / attracted exclusively to men

sexually aggressive / sexually passive

sexually experienced / virgin

commitmentphobe / need for relationship commitment

name is static / last name changes with marriage

Physical Traits and Appearance

strong / weak

tall / short

handsome / pretty

pants / skirts

short hair / long hair

poor hygiene / good hygiene

clean faced / wear makeup

embrace body hair / shave hair

Hobby

trains / dolls

GI Joe / Barbie

action movies / romantic comedies

hate shopping / love shopping

watches sports / watches soap operas

athletic / not active

unhealthy eaters / healthy eaters

Profession

doctor / nurse

principal / teacher

pilot / flight attendant

science / arts

Actions

never cries in public / cries all the time in public

drink alcohol / teetotaler

uses profanity / never swears

good driver / poor driver

smoke / don’t smoke

Other

blue / pink

good natural sense of direction / always get lost

swagger / dainty walk

mature slowly / mature faster

This famous excerpt from a Burton Stevenson poem says it all.

What are little boys made of?

What are little boys made of?

Frogs and snails, and puppy-dogs tails,

And such are little boys made of.

What are little girls made of?

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice and all things nice,

And such are little girls are made of.

Gender Queer, It’s Not All Woman or Man

Last night I participated in the following conversation in downtown Los Angeles:

Friend 1: That cop, she’s following that guy.

Friend 2: No, I think the cop is a man.

Friend 1: No, it’s a guy!

Me: I think it’s a woman.

Friend 1: A “Pat”

Friend 2: That’s sad that we can’t tell.

Me: But, why is it sad?

Friend 2: Because I’m a woman.

Me: But, you’re a woman. That’s how you identify.

Friend 2: Yeah, but you’re either a woman or a man.

Me: Not necessarily

Friend 2: Huh?

Me: There’s such thing as gender queer, people who don’t identify with being a woman or a man.  It is a form of transgender.

I’ve been thinking about this conversation ever since.  My friend, “Friend 2″ was completely befuddled by the idea of gender queer.  And to be honest, I probably was when I was first introduced to it as well.  Thinking back, I first heard about it when a friend from high school had decided to self identify as gender queer.  I thought our friend had completely jumped off the deep end.  I was all for liberalism and diversity but this just seemed crazy.  Several years later, I can see the beauty of having the freedom to have both masculine and feminine features, to be confined by neither gender.

You may be thinking that everyone is born either male or female which translates into gender.  However, we know from transgenderism that biological sex (given at birth) does not always translate into gender, which is sociologically constructed.  For more on this and the basics of transgenderism, check out my blog, Are you Trans(gender) Literate?

Depending on your level exposure to different kinds of people, you may never meet someone who identifies as gender queer.  But, we’ve all met or seen people whom we cannot easily place into a clear gender man/woman binary.  Instead of looking down or pitying these people, remember that they may intentionally look that way.  Some biologically female people have very masculine traits.  Some biologically male people have very feminine traits.  Maybe they decide to transition, maybe they don’t.  Here’s a blog post from a gender queer person.

“Are you a boy or a girl?” A perplexed waitress at a Dunkin’ Donut in the heart of New York City asked of me when I entered the shop.  “I just wanted a muffin; I don’t think my gender matters.”  I said but she didn’t seem to understand, she was rather too interested on what was in my pants. “Are you a boy or a girl?”  I sighed.  I don’t identify as either being genderqueer but I don’t like having to explain myself all the time to everyone.  Mostly because people can only wrap their head around the gender binary and not think outside the box.  It got me thinking though, why do perfect strangers care too much about what’s in my pants?  It doesn’t matter to anyone unless they wanted to sleep with me.  But, for some reasons, this lady’s whole identity was formed around a world of boys and girls.  I bite the bullet since I really wanted my muffin, “I’m a girl.”  She let out a relieved sigh and then got my muffin.  Again, I was forced into the oppressive gender binary to comply with the needs of an oppressive society.  It isn’t just the males that oppress; it is also other women who’ve been conditioned to think as such.

In an ideal society, I would have been able to get my muffin without being hassled about what’s in my pants.  However, this is America – home of the free if you are rich and fix into neat boxes.  Most people can’t wrap their head around genderqueer – which is outside of the gender binary.  I am something else – not just another gender but I am beyond gender.  People can at least understand transsexual, but when it comes to genderqueer, people just don’t get it.  They want to box you in.  I am sometimes envious of my transsexual allies because they have a gender identity to claim – even if they are handicapped by being born into the wrong body.  I, however, have no place to go.  No identity.  I suck it up and usually go with lesbian because I am female bodied and like women but that doesn’t describe me.  I’m queer but queer is considered to be such a dirty word by polite society.

As the above illustrates, there is nothing wrong with being somewhere in the middle.  It’s not simple or clear cut but neither are we.  I can remember being a kid at church and avoiding another church goer because I was never sure of this person’s gender and I was afraid I might say something offensive.  This was exactly the wrong approach.  Avoiding these people only further isolates them.  If you’re not sure of a person’s gender (and you actually need to know, not because you’re just selling them a muffin as in above), the best thing to do is ask.  Yes, it’s awkward and uncomfortable but it gets easier.  One tip I’ll give is this: Use the word “identify,” as in, “How do you identify your gender?”  This allows for a broader range of responses.  “Are you a boy or a girl?” as quoted above only allows for two answers and therefore already confines the respondent.  For more info on being gender queer, transgenderism and asking people their gender, watch this amazing video.

One more thing about the original conversation.  I want to address the use of “Pat” to describe people who are or appear gender queer.  I’ve heard this used several times.  In theory, people think it’s funny or clever to call someone “Pat” because it is a name to describe a man, as in Patrick, or a woman, as in Patricia.  I’m not prone to thinking this is particularly funny.  I think it’s a way of pointing out people for being different, something with which we are culturally obsessed.

It’s scary to us that people can be so different.  We want the world to fit into good/bad, male/female, us/them, black/white.  But, the world is not black and white.  It’s shades of gray and every color in the rainbow.  Let’s embrace it.

Are You Trans(gender) Literate?

Before moving to Los Angeles. the only contact I had had with transgenderism was through the media.  I hadn’t known anyone who identified as transgender in Oklahoma.  Like most people, I had mainly paid attention to the “L, G, B,” in LGBT.  But, when I began working in the field of HIV prevention, all that changed.  As part of my training in sexual diversity, I began to learn about transgenderism.  It’s really an amazing and intriguing topic and as Obama signs legislation to add gender identification to the list of discriminations that could cause a hate crime, it is extremely relevant.  Transgender individuals are much more likely to be victims of a violent crime than those who are not.  The Human Rights Campaign offers statistics,

Transgender people are often targeted for hate violence based on their non-conformity with gender norms and/or their perceived sexual orientation. Hate crimes against transgender people tend to be particularly violent. For example, one expert estimates that transgender individuals living in America today have a one in 12 chance of being murdered.  In contrast, the average person has about a one in 18,000 chance of being murdered.

This projected statistic is startling but the beginning of the quote offers the insight, “targeted for hate violence based on their non-conformity with gender norms.”  Transgender individuals are competing against their own biology’s sense of self.  And, some people are so threatened by this thought that they feel it necessary to hurt them.  We gain so much of our identity through our physical appearance.  Am I a man or a woman?  What are my racial features and are they similar to the people around me?  Those who are transgender challenge that these outward appearances correlate with who we are in spirit.  Imagine looking in the mirror and knowing you are not who you see there.   If you do not identify as transgender, imagine still being yourself in every way but having been born with an opposite body.  Would you have been able to stand it?  It’s the topic of several comedic films (Freaky Friday, 13 going on 30, Big, Heaven Can Wait, etc.) but for the trans community, it’s no laughing matter.  But, these films serve as useful examples.  In all of them, the characters are completely confused and frightened by their bodies.  What if that were a day-to-day reality? 

It’s this lack of correlation, between self and body, that leads people to transgenderism, an umbrella term that encompasses anyone “whose gender identity (sense of themselves as male or female) or gender expression differs from that usually associated with their birth sex.”  One expression of transgenderism is becoming transexual, people who “live or wish to live full time as members of the gender opposite to their birth sex. Biological females who wish to live and be recognized as men are called female-to-male (FTM) transsexuals or transsexual men. Biological males who wish to live and be recognized as women are called male-to-female (MTF) transsexuals or transsexual women. Transsexuals usually seek medical interventions, such as hormones and surgery, to make their bodies as congruent as possible with their preferred gender. The process of transitioning from one gender to the other is called sex reassignment or gender reassignment.”  These definitions are from the American Psychological Association, for more information, go here. 

For those who decide to transition to become the other sex, the process can be painful and expensive.  Friends and family who know that person as a prior gender are not always accepting.  In addition, those seeking gender reassignment surgery must have recommendations from therapists and often must spend a certain period of time living as the opposite gender before the operation can be approved.  A friend of my noted the extensive plastic surgeries some one could have, extensively altering their physical appearance without the reccommendation of psycologists.  Why do we have a double standard for gender reassignment surgery? 

Although historically, people who have identified as transgender have been discriminated against and victimized, there is evidence to show that trend is changing.  Just last week, a small step was made.  Let’s hope it’s a bellwether for acceptance and an end to violence.

 Jessee Vasold, who identifies as “gender-queer,” is voted William and Mary’s first-ever transgender homecoming queen, of which there are no rules on gender. On Saturday the college junior took the halftime field as W&M played James Madison.

Related Post: Criminal Hate, News and Analysis from October 28th.

What Makes a Woman?

Analysis …

Caster Semenya’s spectacular win in the 800m World Athletics Championships brought her more than a gold medal and fame; the 18-year-old South African was required to take a gender test after suspicions were raised that the athlete is actually a male competing as a female. The row over the questions about Semenya’s gender has raised questions about what makes us female or male, whether biology can be the final word on what our gender might be, and what issues of race and sexism might be at play.

The Guardian (U.K.) |  “Even though we know that a Y chromosome is only an X that has lost a leg, we still think in terms of male = perfect, female = imperfect. In plainer terms what the academic feminists could be taken to be saying is that (a) you’re a woman if you think you are and (b) you’re a woman if other people think you are. Unfortunately (b) cannot be made to follow from (a).”

• Related link: Germaine Greer Paints a Portrait of Transphobic Feminism  |  Feministe

Womanist Musings |  “The fact that Black women have historically been saddled with the baggage of being considered less than female vis a vis the vanilla flavored beauty standard only adds to this drama. Add archaic and stereotypical notions about what athletic feats a woman is capable of producing, throw in a little borderline racism and you have a recipe for negative behavior and judgmental commentary to come out of people’s mouths.”

The Nation |  “What these officials still don’t understand, or will not confront, is that gender–that is, how we comport and conceive of ourselves–is a remarkably fluid social construction. Even our physical sex is far more ambiguous and fluid than is often imagined or taught. Medical science has long acknowledged the existence of millions of people whose bodies combine anatomical features that are conventionally associated with either men or women and/or have chromosomal variations from the XX or XY of women or men. Many of these “intersex” individuals, estimated at one birth in every 1,666 in the United States alone, are legally operated on by surgeons who force traditional norms of genitalia on newborn infants. In what some doctors consider a psychosocial emergency, thousands of healthy babies are effectively subject to clitorectomies if a clitoris is “too large” or castrations if a penis is “too small” (evidently penises are never considered “too big”).”

The Intersection |  “For now we’ll have to wait and see how the controversy plays out, but regardless, let me be completely clear about one particular point: Appearances. The human body comes in many shapes and sizes, packing a cocktail of genes and hormones that drive the behavior and traits we perceive as masculine or feminine. In other words, what we observe is not merely determined by X and Y chromosomes, an affinity for dolls or trucks, and so on. Before jumping to conclusions, remember that lesson from grade school and don’t judge a book by its cover.”

The Huffington Post |  “Any scientist who’s studied gender issues can tell you biology doesn’t always play by its own rules. The International Olympic Committee dropped mandatory gender exams before the Sydney Games because the standard in place before then – chromosome testing – could be interpreted several ways. In place now is a case-by-case analysis that brings together a gynecologist, endocrinologist, psychologist, an internal medicine specialist and gender expert.”

• Related link: How to Perform a Gender Test  |  Slate

News & Analysis …

• The history of race and gender integration in the U.S. Armed Forces (Read more).
• Frank Rich @The New York Times talks about Oklahoma Sen. Tom Coburn and the vein of violence running through U.S. conservative politics (Read more).
• The resurgence of anti-government militias in the U.S. (Read more).
• Schools and public health officials are bracing for an outbreak of swine flu (Read more).
• The Brookings Institution takes a look at New Orleans four years post-Katrina and finds the city is still facing challenges due to blight, unaffordable housing and flood protection (Read more).
• Myths vs. facts in the health care reform debate (Read more).